08 June, 2012

Last week was a rough one.  I had chemo last tuesday and then began taking my new anti-nausea medication.  Not only did the medication not work, it seemed to make things worse.  I spent a lot more time sprawled out on the couch than usual.  My brother came down to visit for a couple days.  We attempted to go out for dinner last thursday and I felt so terrible that I had to have my dad drive me home before we even had a chance to order.  Thankfully, the nausea has gotten a lot better these past few days.

Unfortunately, I've come down with a bad cold.  There's really not much I can do about it except drink lots of water and wait it out.  So please be praying for me to get better so my final chemo won't get postponed!

While Kevin was here, he wanted to try on my wig (who wouldn't?).  He looked amazingly ridiculous, so of course our mom had to take a picture of the two of us -- Kevin with long, dark hair, and me with the scraggly hairstyle of Charlie Brown's friend Linus.  I knew what I looked like; I had gazed in the mirror every day for the past few months.  But it wasn't until I looked at the photo of myself that it hit me how sick I actually looked.
Kevin and I

Linus, my doppleganger.
I've never been one to wear a lot of makeup or spend hours in the bathroom doing my hair, so I was surprised at how much the appearance change of these last few months has affected me.  It's strange how much our appearance can influence the way we act and feel.  I realized at a young age that if I spent all day in my pajamas, I felt sick, frumpy, and lazy.  And these past three months, that is exactly how my hair has made me feel.  The first few times I wore my wig, I suddenly had more energy and confidence and felt a little more like I did before I got sick.  With the thin, scraggly hairstyle I've had as of late, I definitely have not felt like myself.  So after church on Sunday, my aunt chopped all my hair off with the kitchen scissors... and I love it!! I feel so much better!
Aunt Barbara giving me a haircut

But regardless of my hairstyle, I know that God "knit me together in my mother's womb."  He intricately created each and every one of us.  Yet I know so many beautiful women who doubt their beauty and value.  The reality is that we fail to realize the extent of God's love for us.  While my brother was home, he introduced me to a great organization called Wonderfully Made, whose mission is "to help young women discover, strengthen, and reclaim their true value and worth."  Please take a few minutes to watch this short video they created.  And my prayer for you is that you will begin to know the intimate love God has for you.

"Oh Lord, You have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue,
You, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before.
You have laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there Your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, oh God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand --
when I awake, I am still with You."
Psalm 139:1-18


  1. I'm so blessed to have you as a daughter!

  2. So far I've only read this post of yours but already I'm encouraged.
    You really are beautifully, wonderfully and perfectly made!
    Dear Sister, the Lord shines through that smile of yours!
    I'm excited to read along and join you in your journey.

    You are a light!