This has been a busy week for me.  I got my blood checked, a PET scan, and a CT scan on monday.  Yesterday, I met with my doctor for the results of the scans and... I'M CANCER FREE!!!!  Praise the Lord!! Technically, I'm "in complete remission," but I think it's much easier to just say I'm cancer free!  So that means I can stop taking all of my medications and can stop going to the doctor three times a week.  Instead, I'll go in for a check-up once every three months for two years, then every six months, and eventually just once a year!

While everything on my scans looked good in terms of the cancer, they found a small pulmonary embolism.  My doctor thinks what happened is that a small blood clot formed at the end of my port and then travelled into my lung.  This can sometimes be a big deal, but it's not in my case because it hasn't affected my breathing and I haven't had any of the symptoms.  However, in order to make sure the clot dissolves and that another one doesn't form, I have to get shots twice a day for ten days and take blood thinner pills for six weeks.  Then hopefully all of my medical issues will finally be behind me!

Anyways, even though I'm not one-hundred-percent healthy, I'm still cancer free! So I'm having a party as a way to celebrate and to thank you all for your support!  If you said even just one tiny little prayer for me, then you have been a great support and I want you at my party! Unfortunately, most of you live in other states and won't be able to make it, but please know that I am more than grateful for all of your support these past months! I am incredibly blessed to have such wonderful friends!! But if you live in or near San Diego, I hope you can make it (email me if you need directions)!

I am getting my port removed on Monday, so please pray that everything goes well! Also, please keep me in prayer as I deal with this pulmonary embolism.  Thanks again for all the support you have given me! I couldn't have made it through this without all of you!

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," declares the Lord.

- Jeremiah 30:17

I had an amazing time in Oregon!   The highlight of my trip was witnessing my dear friend Brett get married to his sweet bride Laura.  The wedding was beautiful and anyone who attended would have no doubt of Brett and Laura's strong desire to dedicate their lives and their marriage to God.  Brett and Laura, I wish you infinite happiness in your life together!!

The beautiful bride and groom

Heidi, Me, Brett, Lanae, and Amy.
Brett was just a tiny bit excited...

The whole gang

Spending time in Oregon was so much fun and really allowed me to feel as if things were back to normal.  I drank coffee, read, relaxed, and spent time with good friends, just as I did when I used to live there and before I got sick.  I attended my very first rodeo in the small rural town of St. Paul, which has a population of 354. Needless to say, it was a very interesting experience and, since I didn't have boots, a flannel shirt, or overalls, I hardly fit in.  I had a lot of fun, but don't think I'll be visiting too many rodeos in the future.

I spent the 4th of July with my good friends Lanae, Julianne, and Amy, all of us decked out in red, white, and blue.  We started off the morning with coffee and a pancake breakfast in the park, then watched a pie eating contest, and of course, stopped for another coffee break.  Lanae and I then tried to make a red and blue cake, but it ended up being pink and green because we didn't have enough food coloring.  But cake is cake, no matter what it looks like, and ours was delicious!  We then ventured into downtown Portland to watch fireworks over the Willamette River.

Julianne & Lanae

I found myself with plenty of time to read during my trip.  I read a book called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.  It's the story of a nine-year-old boy named Oskar whose father died in one of the world trade towers on 9/11.  It follows Oskar on his quest to find meaning and closure in his father's death.  The book displays a side of pain and suffering caused by violence and war that we don't often see, and gives hope that these wounds can be healed.  As a pacifist, I appreciate Foer's willingness to expose the horrors of war seen from all sides (he tells the story and heartache of a family in Dresden, Germany and of a woman in Hiroshima, Japan during WWII), and it makes me want to seek peace all the more.  In case you couldn't tell, I really enjoyed it and would highly recommend it.

I was in Oregon for about a week and had so much fun!  I am so thankful that I was able to spend time with a ton of different friends from college.  It was such a blessing as I haven't seen most of them in over a year.  My trip allowed me to realize that I really am done with treatment and, although I did feel sick a few times, I truly feel that I am beginning to wrap up my experience with cancer.  I am relieved and overjoyed to be able to say that! Praise the Lord!!  I do still have a PET scan in two weeks, so please keep me in your prayers!


xoxo
Lauren

I had my final chemo exactly two weeks ago; praise the Lord!!  I spent a week feeling nauseated and fatigued, and then, as usual, started to feel better but became neutropenic.  My mom gave me one shot a day for four days, which bumped my white blood cell count back up to normal.  I'm hoping and praying that was the last time I'll have to endure those painful shots!  In about a month, I'll have a PET scan and two CT scans to check that the chemo really did work and to see if I am now cancer free!  In the meantime, I should continue to feel better and better.

And I already am feeling a lot better!  I get tired out pretty easily, but, because I've been cooped up inside for the past four months, I've been trying to keep busy regardless.  I was able to go to our church's get-together at the beach last week.  I spent a beautiful day at Balboa Park for my Dad's birthday.  I've also been able to hang out with several friends.  I went to my best friend Katy's birthday party, had dinner with my fourth-grade-best-friend Becca, and had coffee with a friend named Rachel, who I haven't seen in a few years.  I'm extremely happy to be able to have a social life again!

Now that my chemotherapy is over, many people have been asking me what I plan on doing next.  Before I got diagnosed with cancer, my plan was to begin grad school this fall.  I was all set to enter the Peace and Justice Studies Master's program at the University of San Diego, but now that the time has come, I know I am not physically or mentally prepared to start grad school.  So I deferred my acceptance for a year with the intention of beginning the program in the fall of 2013.  However, my recent experience has made me wonder if I might want to pursue a different career path.  I've been looking into a joint Master's of Social Work/Master's of Public Health program at San Diego State University and thought of possibly going into Oncology Social Work or pursuing something related to public health.  I plan on applying to the program early next year, and making a decision about what program I actually will do when the time comes to decide.  If there's anything these past four months have taught me, it's to take things one day at a time.  Our own plans are unreliable because we are not in charge of life; God is.  James 4:13-15 says,

Look here, you who say, "today or tomorrow we are going to a certain city, will spend a year there, carry on business, and make money."  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog -- it's here a little while, then it's gone.  What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.

I can safely say that this year has been absolutely nothing like I planned it.  I'm going to attempt to live my life in the way these verses suggest, not making certain plans, but leaving my life open to the possibilities that God may have planned for me.  So maybe I'll go to grad school in a year, but I'm not positive.  I have several ideas of things I want to do in this next year, but am trying to remember that nothing is certain.

I'm leaving for Oregon on friday and will spend a week there with several of my college friends.  We are also planning on taking a family vacation at the end of August.  Besides those two trips, I have no plans set in stone.  I know I need to get a job and think it might be fun to be a barista for a while.  I also would love to travel this next year if it's a possibility at all -- and if God wills it.  I've been feeling a lot better, but definitely don't feel healthy.  So for now, I will simply take things once day at a time, focus on trying to become as healthy as possible, and see where God takes me.

xoxo
Lauren

"Every day of my life was recorded in Your book.  

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."  

-Psalm 139:16

I had my last chemotherapy treatment today!  Yay!!!  I feel terrible, but it doesn't even matter because I won't have to go for chemo again!  I just have to get through these next two weeks of feeling sick, then I'll be on my way back to normal!  I am so eager to be healthy again, so I am ecstatic to put my last chemo behind me!!  I'll have another PET scan and some CT scans in six weeks and will then meet with my doctor to go over the results.  So please continue to keep my health in your prayers! And thank you so incredibly much for the love, prayers, and support you have continually given me!  I wouldn't have made it this far without you!

xoxo
Lauren

Getting my last chemo!

"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promises is faithful."

- Hebrews 10:23

Last week was a rough one.  I had chemo last tuesday and then began taking my new anti-nausea medication.  Not only did the medication not work, it seemed to make things worse.  I spent a lot more time sprawled out on the couch than usual.  My brother came down to visit for a couple days.  We attempted to go out for dinner last thursday and I felt so terrible that I had to have my dad drive me home before we even had a chance to order.  Thankfully, the nausea has gotten a lot better these past few days.

Unfortunately, I've come down with a bad cold.  There's really not much I can do about it except drink lots of water and wait it out.  So please be praying for me to get better so my final chemo won't get postponed!

While Kevin was here, he wanted to try on my wig (who wouldn't?).  He looked amazingly ridiculous, so of course our mom had to take a picture of the two of us -- Kevin with long, dark hair, and me with the scraggly hairstyle of Charlie Brown's friend Linus.  I knew what I looked like; I had gazed in the mirror every day for the past few months.  But it wasn't until I looked at the photo of myself that it hit me how sick I actually looked.

Kevin and I

Linus, my doppleganger.

I've never been one to wear a lot of makeup or spend hours in the bathroom doing my hair, so I was surprised at how much the appearance change of these last few months has affected me.  It's strange how much our appearance can influence the way we act and feel.  I realized at a young age that if I spent all day in my pajamas, I felt sick, frumpy, and lazy.  And these past three months, that is exactly how my hair has made me feel.  The first few times I wore my wig, I suddenly had more energy and confidence and felt a little more like I did before I got sick.  With the thin, scraggly hairstyle I've had as of late, I definitely have not felt like myself.  So after church on Sunday, my aunt chopped all my hair off with the kitchen scissors... and I love it!! I feel so much better!

Aunt Barbara giving me a haircut

But regardless of my hairstyle, I know that God "knit me together in my mother's womb."  He intricately created each and every one of us.  Yet I know so many beautiful women who doubt their beauty and value.  The reality is that we fail to realize the extent of God's love for us.  While my brother was home, he introduced me to a great organization called Wonderfully Made, whose mission is "to help young women discover, strengthen, and reclaim their true value and worth."  Please take a few minutes to watch this short video they created.  And my prayer for you is that you will begin to know the intimate love God has for you.

xoxo
Lauren

"Oh Lord, You have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue,

You, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before.

You have laid Your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, You are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there Your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to You;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to You.

For You created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from You

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in Your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, oh God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand --

when I awake, I am still with You."

Psalm 139:1-18